"Do not grieve, my angel, from the useless participation to me"

Chernyshevsky's letter to his wife dated October 12, 1862

My dear friend.

Finally, a power of attorney is sent to you, along with this letter. Now you, my dear angel, a free Cossack, will get money for the house and you can dispose of it as you wish: whether to stay in Saratov, go wherever you want - do it, my gold one, as you yourself think, and how you feel better - I'm ahead I agree with you in everything, be sure.

I, my friend, have now taken up the job, I am translating, as I wrote you, the fifteenth and sixteenth volumes of Schlossser. In addition, I can now buy books of my choice, and some have already bought. Therefore, my dear, I spend my time completely without boredom, and if you don’t care about you, somehow you live without me, you could say that I spend even pleasant times. After all, I sat for five and six days hopelessly in my room, because I was always a savage, - remembering this, you believe, my sweet little dear Lyalichka, in fact, for me, the conclusion means absolutely nothing. Do not grieve, my angel, from the useless participation to me.

If you are going to go, my friend, then I implore you, wait until a tolerable road is established, and please buy a good crew.

But in any case, whether you will go to Petersburg or not, I suppose, my dear, that you will take care of me for yourself and try not to be sad about the nonsense that you should not think about and which, after all, God does not know how long it will last. Be well and happy. I kiss you, my friend Lyalichka.

Yours N. Ch.

I am healthy, I kiss the kids and more and more of you.

I even thought of attributing this, my angel: please do not think that I hide my desires before you, for example, that I would like to call you to Petersburg, only I don’t say, or, on the contrary, that I don’t I would approve of your intention to go to Petersburg, only I don’t say again - no, my friend, believe that I am telling the whole truth, when I say that as you think better, I will like it. Do not even think of being led by the ordinary rumors of stupid people that a wife must act like this or like that - there is nothing to pay attention to such talk: no one is obliged to do anything except that he himself will be better off.

Do not think too, my dearie, that I am deceiving you when I say that I spend my time without boredom, not feeling any burden on myself - that’s true, my friend, I would be ashamed to pretend to you when I know that you have never before me pretended anything and you will not pretend. I assure you that my condition is not at all that you need to feel sorry or sad for me; Believe me, my friend, do not cheat.

And again, I think: no matter how it seems to you that I would not really like to see you as soon as possible, yes no, how can it be, you shouldn’t have to think so, because I only have joy in the world that you are. And only I would like you to worry about me as little as possible. Well, shake your pen and kiss you. Be healthy and have fun.

You see how often I wrote to you these days. Look, do not worry if now the letters go not so often, but in the same intervals. Nothing, wait, everything will be settled and we will live with you and more calmly and better than before, believe it is true. Well, have fun, my dear treasure.

Published: Chernyshevsky. Heritage, vol. 2, pp. 413-414. Original: TsGAOR, f. 95, op. 1 unit xp 28, ll. 21–22. about.

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