"I love you, monkey"

8. XI.23

From Berlin to Berlin

How can I explain to you, my happiness, my golden, amazing happiness, how much I am all yours - with all my memories, poems, impulses, internal whirlwinds? ... And I know: I don’t know how to tell you anything with words - and when on the phone - so very bad coming out. Because you need to talk to you - it’s wondrous, as they say, for people who haven’t been around for a long time ... I just want to tell you that without you, life somehow doesn’t seem to me - despite the fact that you think that I have "fun" for two days don't see you And you know, it turns out that it was not Edison who invented the phone at all, but some other American — a quiet little man — whose name nobody remembers. It serves him right.

Listen, my happiness - you will no longer say that I am torturing you? How I would like to take you somewhere with you - you know how such ancient brigands did: a wide hat, a black mask and a musket with a bell. I love you, I want you, I need you unbearably ... Your eyes, your voice, lips, your shoulders are so light, sunny ... I write all this lying in bed ... I love you.
I'll be waiting for you tomorrow at 11 o'clock in the evening - but don't call me after 9 o'clock.



7. VI.26

From Berlin to the sanatorium Art. Blasien in the Black Forest, in southern Germany.

My monkey, yesterday at about nine I went out to walk, feeling the thunderstorm tension in my whole body, which is a harbinger of poetry. Returning to ten home, I somehow crawled into myself, fumbled, suffered and got out with nothing ... ... After a while, I again turned on the light, blinded into the toilet. There, water squishes for a long time and sweats up after you pull ... I read newspapers before dinner (I received a letter from my mother; they lived close, but not bad) then ate potatoes with pieces of meat and a lot of Swiss cheese. ... It seems not so much air as “family affairs” "They drive you from S. B ... No, monkey, don't come back - you will be thrust into the oldest, nastiest small suitcase and sent back ...
I love you, monkey


First published in the book Letters to Vera (Letters to Vera), which was based on archival materials of the Nabokov family.

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